My Friend Always Focuses On Her Topics: Should I Distance Myself?

I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her spouse left her, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made greater energy in our friendship, probably realised more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is arranging a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and lived in for some time. I tried to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She essentially just desired me to confirm her choices. I've just ended a month in that country she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to walk away, yet this is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Step three is to question ways you together will alter the pattern between you."

Consider your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. One effective method is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

Closing Considerations

She could ignore all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release since their identity is tied to it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a resolution, it provides peace that you've been open and direct.